Blog-aversary – Celebrating 1 Year of Blogging

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This month marks the 1 year blog anniversary for LoveFromtheOtherSide.com!

In honor of this, I’d like to highlight my top 5 favorite blog post.  If you discovered the blog later in the year you may not have read these post yet.  Enjoy!

#1 –  If Not Love Then What? 6 Reasons Why I Married Him Other Than Love

love1Six months before I got engaged my friend asked me if I wanted to marry my boyfriend now husband. I said yeah and she asked why. After five minutes of me explaining and no usage of the word “love” she looked at me confused and said…”and because you love him right?”

I was surprised I hadn’t actually said the L word in my long-winded rant, but slightly more annoyed that she insistently needed me to. I did love and am in love with my husband very much, but love wasn’t why I married him nor why I wanted to at the time. Before him I’d been “in love” at least 3 times and claimed love more times than I can remember yet I’d never been married. Love simply isn’t enough to warrant marriage. So if not love then what? If love isn’t enough to equate marriage what are the other ingredients?    Continue Reading

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Are Your Dating Expectations Too High?

How do you know if your dating expectations are too high?  You can start by understanding what your criteria currently is.

In my early 20s my dating criteria looked like this:

  • Physical attractiveness
  • Personality compatibility
  • Common interest
  • Intelligence

As you get older you might find that you value different things more or less and your dating criteria adapts.  In my late 20s my criteria had evolved to include:

  • Financial Stability
  • Religious compatibility
  • Cultural compatibility
  • Attentive & affectionate
  • Tactful & Kind
  • Humble
  • Marriage oriented

Having criteria is great. It ensures you aren’t dating arbitrarily or purposelessly and it helps to make sure you aren’t setting the bar too low.  But how do you know your expectations aren’t too high?  The Taboo Question: Is Purposeful Dating Still Okay?

Here are 4 ways you can evaluate your expectations to consider if they are too high:

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Why do people say marriage is hard?

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Why do married people say that marriage is so hard?  This is the question I asked myself repeatedly before getting married.  Were they all just in bad marriages?  Surely my marriage would be different.  What could be so hard about spending your life with your best friend?  Shouldn’t that be easy?

I have now been married for 1 year and 7 months.  I think marriage is a gift from God. It is the best thing I could have done, and I love my spouse more than words can express……BUT…..  MARRIAGE IS HARD.   In this article I will share my opinion of why I think people say marriage is hard.  To all my married readers who have been in it for much longer, I hope you will share even more perspective in the comments.

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12 Biggest Dating Mistakes I Made Before Marriage

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Today’s article list 12 Dating Mistakes I made and what I learned from them.  If one in particular stands out for you, be sure to click on the linked article to read even more on the topic.

#1 Investing too much too soon

In my early to mid 20’s my life was a mess.  I was not financially independent, I bounced between apartments and jobs.  While I should have been spending all of my time investing in myself, I thought I had time, money and effort to invest in men I was dating.  For example: After only 2 dates, I agreed to do a pro-bono project for a guy.  When the project was finished so was the guy. I was pissed with no one to blame but myself.  Furthermore the project did not lead to future paid work. Are you fixing the right person? How investing too much in significant others can be detrimental to your own growth.

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Black, Muslim & Tired

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 Love From the Other Side is a relationship blog geared at helping people find and maintain healthy, happy relationships.  But ever so often I feel inclined to write a Perspective piece. Through these pieces I tell my story or give someone else a platform to tell their story.  It is my hope that in sharing perspectives we increase our love and understanding for one another. If you enjoy this piece be sure to read more of the Perspective pieces linked at the end of this article.

4th gradeWhen I was 8 years old my family moved from the all black Southside of Chicago to the all white South Suburbs.  At age 8 I could not distinguish the difference between black and white.  I had 1 or 2 white teachers at my school but because of the vast variety in shades of black I assumed these teachers were light skinned black people.  It wasn’t until we moved to the all white suburbs that I discovered race.  In the summertime white kids wanted to compare their suntanned arms to see if they’d caught up to my brown.  Year round their tiny fingers spent time in my hair as they marveled over my course texture. Adults would at least ask, “Can I touch your hair?”.   The thing that bothered me the most however was the critiquing of my speech.  “Say car, say milk.”  Or from the adults it was, “You speak so well” as my proper grammar exceeded their expectations of a child from the ghetto South side.  My mother was a teacher, how was I supposed to speak? By 5th grade I’d learned to pronounce “milk” as “melk” and soften my hard r’s in words like “water” or “car”.

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What Happens When You’re Trapped In A Back-Shelf Relationship

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Originally published on Thought Catalog

A back shelf relationship is when you have that guy or girl lurking in your background for sometimes years.  Maybe you’ve never actually had a full on committed relationship with this person, but they’re always somewhere on your roster, somewhere in the background.   It’s your fallback guy/girl.  When a relationship ends, and you need comfort you might run to that person or rekindle a flame.  You might consider even giving a relationship with them a real shot.  But can it ever really work?  Can your back shelf relationship become a long lasting legitimate relationship?  Can it even become a marriage?

4 Reasons We Hold on to Back Shelf Relationships

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10 Ways to be Supportive During Her Pregnancy

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Pregnancy is an exciting time for a couple, but it can also be a challenging 40 weeks.  If you are the supporting partner here are 10 things you can do to help your spouse.

  1. Book prenatal massages

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Midway through the second trimester everything begins to feel uncomfortable.  By the third trimester back pain is ridiculous, restless leg syndrome may set in, the hips begin to hurt from the extra weight and etc etc.  Sleeping through the night requires the perfect juxtaposition of body pillows which is then interrupted every 20 mins. for potty breaks.  Giving your partner daily back massages helps a lot.  Additionally if you can afford to, book your partner a few professional prenatal massages.  At 31 weeks my husband booked me a prenatal massage and it was the most comfortable I’ve felt in the entire pregnancy.  I can not emphasize how grateful I was.

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You Can’t Heal His Heart: A Note to Rebound Chicks

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“Previously published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com.”

If you are a fan of the HBO show “Insecure” then you probably have some opinion of the character Tasha.  In season 1, the lead character Issa breaks up with her long-term boyfriend Lawrence who has been unemployed for some time and lacks confidence in his career direction.  Prior to the breakup, Issa has grown impatient with Lawrence who claims he is “working on his business plan”.  As Issa’s impatience grows and friction builds in the doomed relationship, Lawrence seeks comfort from a brewing friendship with his bank teller Tasha.  After the inevitable breakup of Issa and Lawrence, Tasha is there to console Lawrence and “heal his heart” in hopes of becoming his new girlfriend.  Unfortunately, Tasha’s plan fails and she is nothing but a rebound chick.  Tasha is our perfect example of how trying to heal a man’s broken heart will land you in the rebound chick zone.

Here’s why it won’t work:

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Money & Relationships: Guest post from Know Longer Single

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I’d like to introduce you to my blogger friends, fellow relationship bloggers Daryl and Dominique!  This week the Know Longer Single Youtubers have provided a guest post response to my article Money, How Much Does it Matter in a Relationship?

In the original post we asked the following questions and readers from around the country wrote in their responses on the topic of money & relationships.  Does it matter how much money your significant other makes?  Ladies, does it matter if a man makes significantly less money than you?  Would you date a guy who made less money?  If so would you marry him, all other things considered?  Men, does it matter to you how much money a woman makes?  If a woman made more money than you would that be an issue?

A few of the reader responses included:

“Money is as much about power and identity as it is about money. It’s less about who has the money, but more about, given our different values, how can we make this work… forever? ” –Female, 34, Houston, TX

“Money equates freedom to me. Freedom to venture, leisurely travel, give back, invest, build a business together, etc…..a lack of financial security and independence along with a drive to succeed are deal breakers.”                                           – Female, 33 – Chicago, IL

“It is not a problem to me if a woman makes more money than I do.  However, she needs to be cognizant of the limitations of my disposable  income.”   – Male, 32, Washington D.C.

Daryl & Dom are always fun to watch with a great dynamic and enlightening perspective.  Here’s what they had to say on the topic of money & relationships!

Daryl and Dominique met in 2015 and have been inseparable ever since. They both love to travel and are foodies at heart.  On their youtube channel Know Longer Single they give relationship advice while helping people navigate through the “single” phase of their lives and teaching them how to do life as a unit with their significant other.

You can find more of KnowLongerSingle at:

Instagram: #knowlongersingle

Facebook: Know Longer Single